You Came Back
by Ebb
Summary: Derek appears in Casey’s life after several years without communication, wanting to meet his daughter. Both have moved on, and it's scary to open up again. Better summary inside. M for later chapters Dasey .
1. Surprise

You Came Back…

Summary: Derek appears in Casey's life after several years without communication, wanting to meet his daughter. They now have established lives on opposite coasts, with Casey in New York and Derek in LA. Casey finds herself trapped between bitter memories and fresh attraction, but still wants to protect her little girl.

General notes: To anyone that read my other LWD fic, you know I have problems with updates. Please bear with me – I have a short attention span, but I'll try to update as often as I can (hopefully weekly). I do not have a beta reader though I do proofread. Please excuse the mistakes that slip through the cracks.

Chapter notes: There's a bit of melodrama involved here. I don't intend to make a habit of it, but it's just a warning. Okay, enough notes. Happy reading.

Casey opened the door to her quiet, dark apartment and rushed inside, closing the door behind her softly and locking it. She threw her bag into the hall closet and kicked off her high heels, sighing when she finally stepped on soft cream-colored carpeting. Casey loved the feel of this apartment; clean, soft, spacious rooms, paid for by her own labor, tastefully decorated, and always ready to embrace her after a grueling day at the office. That particular day was particularly tedious; people didn't stop knocking the whole day and she had to stay overtime to review yet another sales report. Leave it to Casey McDonald to finally get that VP promotion, and then just dive right into more work. She could have dumped it all on one of her assistants but had a certain pride in her work that didn't let her do anything that could be construed as unethical. She flicked on the lights and progressed into the kitchen where she opened one of the top cabinets and felt around the top shelf for her favorite scotch bottle, now dusty from neglect.

After pouring herself a generous amount into a crystal glass and gulping down the burning, amber liquid, she washed the glass and sauntered into the living room, sagging into the large leather couch. Casey closed her eyes and rubbed the sore spot between her eyes in a circular motion, willing the headache away. She didn't usually drink, especially not with a little girl in the house, but Derek's email from earlier that day, plus overwhelming exhaustion from work, managed to send her stress levels into overdrive.

_Hey Case,_

_I'm coming by later tonight, I don't know, sometime, okay? See you then._

_-Derek_

It was so like him to disappear for a few years then pop back in with almost no warning. Just thinking about seeing him again made Casey's head throb painfully. What would he look like? What does he do now? She wanted another drink, but wouldn't allow herself one. The last thing she needed was to be drunk when Derek came by.

After lounging about for another few minutes, Casey finally gathered the strength to roll herself over and grab the phone.

"Hey, Molly?" she asked when the girl on the other end picked up.

"Yeah, Ms. McDonald?"

"Hey, I was wondering if you could hang onto Katie for another few hours. Something came up…"

"Sure, sure, no problem. She's having a great time with my sister's old Barbies," the young girl answered.

"Thanks, Molly. This is going into overtime for you."

Casey wrapped the conversation up and hung up. She stared up at the clean, white ceiling, then out at the New York skyline just outside her window. It had taken years of work, but she finally had her penthouse apartment on the Upper East Side. From the height they were at, it was almost always perfect quiet.

She glanced at the digital clock built into her cable box. 8:43, it read in muted green light.

8:43 and already Casey was ready for bed. Sometimes, work seemed not to even be worth it.

Casey was woken suddenly by the low, tasteful buzzing of her intercom. She didn't even realize she was falling asleep until the phone dragged her back into reality. Forcing herself off the couch, despite how heavy her limbs felt, she got herself over to the phone and picked it up.

"Yeah?"

"There is a Mr. Derek downstairs for you, Ms. McDonald," her doorman said through a slight Italian accent.

For a moment, Casey considered telling the man downstairs that she didn't have any connections to a Mr. Derek, and that he must have been mistaken, but she knew that would only make things worse.

"Yeah, send him up," she said groggily into the phone.

The next few moments were engulfed in panic. Casey rushed to straighten her clothes and reapply a bit of lipstick. Despite the fact that she was completely uninterested in Derek romantically anymore, she couldn't help but want to look good, just to show him that she could get along without him, and she wasn't worse for the wear.

Her electronic doorbell buzzed softly and Casey rushed to answer it, gulping down what felt like a tennis ball in her throat.

And there he was, before Casey could stop to think about how to react to him. In a brown leather jacket and dark jeans. His red hair was dressed up with some pomade that made it choppy and a bit messy, as though he had just rolled out of bed. He wore his signature smirk and a sort of amused expression in his soft, brown eyes, eyes as comfortable as worn-in leather. Casey felt her heart stop for a moment in shock.

"Hey, Case," he said casually. "You look … tired."

Casey ran a hand through her hair, suddenly self-conscious. That wasn't the look she was going for. "Derek," was all she could think to say in response, "come in."

Derek strolled into the apartment as though it were his home and, as though by some intrinsic sense, headed straight for the kitchen.

"I thought I'd drop by," he said as he rummaged through a cabinet. He fished out a bag of organic chips and started working on the packaging.

"Derek, I don't even know where you live now. How could you just-"

"L.A. I'm in the music business now now. I have a band – Black Thunder. I manage it, though – I can't play anything for shit. These taste like crap, by the way. Buy some fucking normal chips for our daughter, will you?"

Casey felt heat prickle over her at the mention of 'our' daughter. She grabbed the bag away from Derek and started rolling it up.

"Still a pig," she said softly as she stooped to put the chips away.

"Speaking of Katie, where is she? I want to meet her," Derek said. He sauntered into the living room. "Katie!" he yelled out.

"Would you shut up? She at a sitter's. And she won't come back until after you've left," Casey said firmly.

"What? Casey, you can't do that," Derek said as he sat down on the couch, as though the gravity of his visit hit him just then.

"I can, and I am."

She looked Derek up and down. He'd barely changed. He was still tall and lean, his bones furnished by sinewy muscle and creamy skin.

"I have a right to see her," he demanded.

"Not after you take off for years at a time."

"Oh, come on," Derek said defensively. "You know why I left."

Casey blushed deeply. "Please. Like that had anything to do with it. You freaked out because I was pregnant, and you took a flight to the States."

"Yeah. Seeing you fuck my best friend had nothing to do with it," Derek said acidly, looking up at her with suddenly sharpened eyes.

Casey was split between being hurt and angry. Derek's words stung, but she wouldn't allow herself to show it; he knew very well why she had briefly seen Sam. Her head pounded. She didn't want to get into this with Derek again – even if she wouldn't admit it, seeing him had evoked powerful memories, and she didn't want to fight. She didn't have the energy or the will for it.

"Derek, you should leave," was all Casey could think to say.

"I want to see my daughter," he replied sternly.

"What makes her yours?" Casey countered.

"Look, I know I'm no saint, but I think she deserves to at least know her father, doesn't she?" Derek asked. He looked at her with dark, impassioned eyes. "I want to make things right—"

"Too late," Casey interjected. She shrugged coldly. "I worked too hard to let you come in here after all this time and pretend like nothing's wrong."

"I'm not pretending—"

"Tell me something, Derek. How long did it take you to get that managing job? Two, three months? What I have took me _years_."

"Hey, I work damn hard!"

Casey sighed, choking down the insults she was ready to throw. "Derek," she closed her eyes and collapsed onto an armchair. "I want you to leave. I don't want to get into all this again with you. It's too much…"

"I'm not asking you to marry me or anything, Casey. I just want to meet my daughter."

"Tell me something, Derek. Before last week, did you even think about her? Even once?" Casey asked, her voice a bit dampened by sadness, yet still sounded sharp and well-aimed. She looked at him without knowing what answer she wanted to hear.

"Yes. Of course I did. I just wanted to get on my feet before coming here." He sighed deeply. "I flew all the way here. I just want to see Katie," Derek said, a note of panic and exhaustion laced into his voice.

Before Casey had time to respond, a soft knock sounded from the door. Casey groaned and got up to answer it.

Sure enough, there stood Molly, with Katie by her side.

"I'm so sorry, Ms. McDonald. Something came up and I have to bring Katie home."

Casey sighed at the horrible timing. Molly was usually a good sitter, but now Casey wanted never to hire her again. At that moment, Derek came into the foyer.

Molly smiled awkwardly at Derek. "Hi, I'm Katie's sitter."

"Hey," Derek responded, though his attentions were clearly on Katie. He crouched down to be at eye level with her.

"Hi, Katie," he said gently.

Casey's heart pounded as she scrambled for money to pay Molly. She wanted to get the young girl out of the apartment, so she could focus on throwing Derek out. She finally handed the appropriate wad of cash to the teenager and said a rushed goodbye.

The door clicked behind Molly softly and Casey turned toward her daughter.

Katie looked apprehensively at Derek. "I am three years old," she said softly and shyly.

Casey was in shock. She didn't know whether to separate the two by force or introduce them properly.

"I'm twenty-seven," Derek said in an exaggerated tone, his eyes staring directly into Katie's shining blue ones. His hand reached out to stroke her shining, light brown hair.

Casey felt the instinct to cry. Her baby seemed to no longer be truly hers, a bit stolen.

"Who are you?" Katie asked softly.

Derek looked up at Casey, clearly conflicted. Casey stood frozen in fear and shock. Her limbs felt numb and her body frozen. Her blood rushed through her temples in loud bursts.

"A friend of Mommy's," Derek said. He stood up and looked at Casey solemnly, a hint of what looked like pity in his eyes. "Do you have a guest bedroom?"

**In all seriousness, it's hard to keep writing a story when it seems like nobody reads it. Leave reviews please. **


	2. Breakfast

Chapter notes: Sorry guys, this chapter is a bit slow. I'm coming across a bit of writer's block, but I promise it will get better. (And, if the writing doesn't enthrall you, there's always the promise of smut on the horizon…)

Casey McDonald lay in bed, surrounded by darkness, staring up at the pristine ceiling. She was exhausted, but every time she shut her eyes she heard Derek's words.

"Okay, fine. I'll admit it. I fucked her." He was angry, and it was years ago, but the wound was now reopened.

She saw his fingertips trail down her spine, his strong body like a canopy over hers, the stab of pain she felt when she found the note in Derek's apartment.

_I'm leaving. See you around, Case. _

Casey felt afraid and vulnerable in her own bed. Derek was back and things were happening too fast for her to cope. She wanted to sleep but she couldn't bring herself to drift away when Derek was in the guest bedroom just a few rooms away.

Casey thought of Katie, of the confused look in her bright eyes. A strange man in their house, talking to her mommy.

And to top it all off, she had work the next day.

It could have just been the panic that sometimes accompanies sleep deprivation, but Casey suddenly felt less grounded, like everything could, and probably would, change from that point onward.

_He'll go back to L.A., _Casey thought to herself. _He'll go back and Katie will never know, and you'll go back to your old life. _

The thought was at once comforting, and a bit saddening.

He hurt her, and it was difficult to admit that her vulnerability and trust were wasted, but he had hurt her, and the wound had barely healed. The real problem was that Casey wanted to be loved unconditionally, unremittingly, but to her it seemed that Derek's affections came in short, powerful bursts of passion that faded into panic and running away. He was afraid to stay the feeling out.

On the other hand, he had made a sacrifice for her. After all, he came to New York to meet Katie, and he gave that up for her.

--

Casey stirred her coffee, watching the swirls of pale milk blend into the pitch-black liquid. She had her cheek resting in her hand, and her elbow against the table, purple bags under her eyes. She had a sleepless night, trying to convince herself that any romantic involvements were over between her and Derek.

Thankfully, he would sleep until eleven or twelve.

Casey sipped her coffee and looked out the window. It was six thirty in the morning and the sun had barely begun to rise.

Miniscule, insignificant people strode the streets below, no bigger than dots from her perspective. Casey took another sip of her coffee, trying to gather enough energy to get through another grueling day.

It started drizzling outside and Casey turned from the window, just in time to see Derek shuffle his way into the doorway, wearing his t-shirt and a pair of boxers, a hand tangled up in his red hair. He looked at her sleepily.

"You alarm is too loud," he said through a yawn.

Casey looked Derek up and down, and memories of waking up in his apartment flooded through her. She suddenly felt cold.

"Sorry."

"You got coffee?" he croaked as he tried to force his eyes open against the light, gesturing toward her cup.

"Yeah," Casey responded as she got up to start the coffee maker again.

Derek dropped into one of the kitchen table's chairs and rubbed his eyes.

"Put some clothes on before Katie wakes up. I don't want her to be scarred for life," Casey instructed. She poured water and ground coffee into the proper containers and pushed the button.

Derek ran a hand through his hair and batted his eyes, shaking the remaining sleep off his eyelashes. "So, what happens to Katie when you work?" he asked, trying to sound casual.

"Day care, then baby sitter." It felt surreal to talk to Derek so casually, as if they had been living together for years. Some part of Casey still felt uncomfortable around him, and traces of her agitation toward Derek certainly remained. Still, she wouldn't fight him or throw him out, partially out of simple civility and partially out of sympathy. "You want toast?" Casey asked.

"How about I pick Katie up from day care? Save you the cost of a sitter…" he offered hopefully, ignoring her question.

Casey stiffened instantly. "No," she said, her voice unexpectedly firm. "I mean, Katie barely recognizes you," she continued somewhat coldly. "She'll be too scared to go anywhere with you." Casey popped a few slices of bread in the toaster and pushed down the lever. She sat back down at the table, facing Derek. The coffee machine churned and ground softly as the toaster let off a warm buzz.

Derek watched the coffee drip slowly down into the large glass container and nodded slowly, a deep crease forming between his eyes. "Yeah. I have a few buddies I wanted to see down in the Village anyway."

Casey could already see where this was going – Derek would return no earlier than three in the morning, drunk, or high, or both. "Don't come into this house drunk, understood?" she warned futilely.

"Yes, Mommy," Derek taunted. His mouth slowly spread into a crooked grin that Casey found herself mirroring. This is how she remembered Derek, and it was comforting to see that not everything had changed. The coffee maker stopped its grinding noise and Casey got up to pour it out for Derek.

"So, what exactly does your job entail?" Derek asked as he got up and stuck his head into the fridge.

Casey shrugged and set Derek's coffee down on the table. She grabbed her toast and sat down. "A lot of paperwork, meetings and calls…" she trailed off when she noticed the mountain of food Derek was bringing back to the table. "Uh…what are you doing?"

Derek looked at her as if it couldn't be more obvious. "Breakfast."

Casey watched as Derek poured himself a bowl of sugary, colorful cereal and milk, and topped it with several spoons of sugar and chocolate syrup. He shoveled several tablespoons of sugar into his coffee.

"Do you eat like this all the time?" Casey asked, suddenly concerned.

Derek sniggered. "You really are a lot like Nora."

Casey rolled her eyes. "Go get dressed. I'm waking Katie up."

--

The three sat around the table; Casey in a black suit, Derek in his jeans and t-shirt from the previous day, and Katie in a flowered blouse and denim skirt.

Katie looked up at Derek shyly. "How long are you staying, Derek?"

Derek shrugged and looked at Casey, whose expression wouldn't hint at an answer. "I'm not sure, kiddo."

Katie nodded slowly. Her eyes dropped to the mountain of calories Derek was shoveling into his mouth.

"Eat your cereal, sweetie," Casey instructed softly. "Hurry up, we've gotta leave in five minutes."

--

Casey sat curled up on her couch in her flannel pajamas, flipping through a women's magazine without absorbing any of the information. The digital clock read 2:30 AM in green letters. Casey sighed and tossed the magazine aside. As if she really needed to know how makeup artists apply blush. She was tired, and her eyelids stung with the need to sleep, but tonight just happened to be one of those nights that Casey transformed into an insomniac. Under stress, it wasn't uncommon for Casey to get less than an hour of sleep per night.

Suddenly she heard the smooth, metallic sound of a key sliding into a lock, then the solid click as the door unlocked.

Casey sat up on the couch and waited for Derek to enter the living room. Was it that obvious, she wondered, that she kept a spare key above the door frame?

Derek staggered into the living room slowly, the cracked leather jacket dropping softly to the floor.

When he noticed Casey in the room, his eyes lit up like a child's. "Casey!" he said, his head rolling to the side slightly. "I missed you." He didn't slur, but his demeanor made it obvious that he wasn't sober. "You waited up for me, Nora?" even when he was high he made fun of her. Perfect.

"What are you on?" Casey asked crossly.

"What?" Derek exclaimed, his nose wrinkling. "Nothing!" he squeaked. He sauntered over to where Casey sat and leaned over her, a hand to either side of her head.

Something in Casey's heart dropped nervously as she looked up at him. Why was it so easy for him to cause sexual tension?

"I'm fine," he said.

"How much did you drink?" Casey asked, purposely avoiding the option that he didn't drink at all.

"None!" Derek said loudly, his eyes wide. He giggled slightly. "You shouldn't have waited up for me, though, Mommy."

Casey pushed Derek away from her but he wouldn't budge.

"Go to sleep, Derek," she instructed.

Suddenly Derek's ecstatic, distant expression vanished. His lips twisted into a taunting smirk. "I'm serious, Casey," he said, his voice finally even and calm. "I didn't do anything."

Casey swatted Derek's arm. She didn't know whether to be annoyed or amused by the juvenile trick, and eventually she settled on annoyance.

"You're an ass," she said as she left the room. She heard Derek laugh before her bedroom door closed behind her.

And this was the father of her child.

--

Please leave reviews.


	3. Ballet

Chapter notes: This one's a bit long. Hope you won't mind... ;)

---

"So how long are you staying – really?" Casey asked at breakfast the following day. Derek had managed to sleep through her alarm that day, but Casey wanted her questions answered, so she whacked him with a pillow as hard as she could.

Derek shrugged nonchalantly. "I couple of days." One of his cheeks was a little pinker than the other from where the pillow hit him. He took a sip of his equal parts coffee and sugar mixture and spread a thick layer of peanut butter over a slice of toast.

"Doesn't your band need you?" Casey asked. Derek didn't get the sarcasm.

"Black Lightning? They're fine." He shoved half the piece of toast into his mouth and started chewing loudly.

"I thought it was Black Thunder," Casey said slyly.

Derek looked up at her slowly and swallowed the contents of his mouth. For a moment, he looked absolutely trapped, and then his usual uncaring attitude took over. "They're thinking of changing it. Thunder is a cliché," he said, looking down at his plate, though with conviction in his voice.

"I'm thinking of leaving LA anyway," Derek said, looking up at her. "There's another band here I could manage – do you remember Dave Barron from high school?"

Casey nodded. She didn't like where this was going. The last thing she needed was a permanent roommate.

"He's doing lead vocals for this Indie band here – they need a new manager," Derek said as though this had absolutely no implications on their lives.

"So … you'll be here for a while," Casey finished.

Derek nodded slowly. "Yeah."

Casey put her spoon down. Her head was spinning. "By here, do you mean in New York, or with me?" She phrased the question directly – Casey didn't want Derek to wriggle his way out of answering.

He looked right at her, and Casey felt the force of those amber eyes send a stabbing feeling through her chest. "Depends. Am I welcome here?"

Casey paused. "Do you even know how to manage a band? You're in charge of finances and transportation and getting them gigs and contracts…"

Derek shrugged. "Yeah, I'll figure it out."

Casey rolled her eyes. "Yeah, you can stay here," she said as she pinched the bridge of her nose. The words were out of her mouth before she could think about it properly.

"Cool, I'll have all my shit shipped over."

"I'm waking Katie up," Casey said as she got up. "Put some pants on."

--

They barely saw each other for the rest of the work week. Casey got up early and went to sleep before Derek got home. If it wasn't for the large quantities of candy and sugar that disappeared every day, it would be possible to forget his existence. Casey thought that maybe Katie did forget about Derek. They never really were able to see each other.

But for Casey, the fact that Derek was there plagued her day and night. Her disposition wavered from sexual frustration to anger to depression. At night, she pictured him tangled up in the quilt in the guest bedroom, his hair flaying out around him. She pictured him lying next to her, and then would force herself to forget the image – she was supposed to be angry with him for being so irresponsible and flaky.

Casey had tried to keep herself busy. That wasn't difficult at work, but it got harder to preoccupy herself after putting Katie to bed. On Wednesday night, Casey tossed and turned in bed, but she couldn't sleep from the nagging depression that made her stomach cramp up. Old memories die hard – Casey couldn't stop thinking about giving birth without Derek even in the same country. She thought about the way people looked at her back in London, Ontario. She thought about his note and the cold look in his eye when he caught her in liplock with Sam, and the way a fist sounds when it connects with a jaw that's about to be fractured.

Choking back tears, Casey made her way into the living room. She watched a few infomercials before finally breaking down in tears.

She cried for what could well have been over half an hour, and then drifted off to sleep.

The next morning she was woken up by the sting of pillow smacking her in the face.

"That's payback," was all Derek said. "I'm going back to sleep. Get a quieter fucking alarm."

Casey sat up slowly and she noticed that she was covered by a throw blanket.

It wasn't until Thursday night that Casey really saw him again. She had woken up at three AM for no particular reason. Casey stumbled out of her room for some water when she heard something shuffling in Katie's room.

She approached slowly, grateful that the door was open. She could barely make anything out in the light coming in through the door, but she could see Derek adjusting Katie's blankets around her arms. He bent down and kissed her on the forehead.

Casey ran back to her room and buried herself in blankets.

Friday night, way past midnight, Casey heard some rustling and shuffling in the halls, and she assumed he was drunk. She didn't bother getting up.

Saturday morning. No alarm. Well, almost.

Casey was awoken by Katie leaping onto the bed, giggling. "Mommy!" she squealed.

"Hey, Sweetie," Casey responded hoarsely.

Katie hurried under the covers as Casey sat up and rubbed her eyes. 9:30. Not bad.

Katie threw her tiny arms around Casey. "Did you just wake up?" Casey asked.

Katie nodded and dove under the covers. For a moment, Derek's presence didn't matter; Casey was happy just to relax with her daughter.

Casey rubbed her eyes, readying herself for the day. "Go on, get in your dance clothes. I'm gonna go start breakfast."

As Katie bounced out of bed, Casey rolled out of it. She went into the kitchen and started mixing batter for pancakes.

"Pancakes?" Casey heard suddenly from the doorway.

"Yeah." What surprised Casey is that Derek's voice no longer sounded foreign or strange in her home – she had been thinking about him enough to supplement the sound of his actual voice, and her perpetual worries served to dissolve the remaining exoticism he presented her with.

Derek dropped into a chair, and the sound, though so new, already sounded familiar to Casey, a fact that saddened her slightly.

"Why does this household get up so early?" he complained as he buried his face in his hands.

"Katie has dance classes."

Derek grinned. "In fifteen years, you're going to be like one of those movies where the daughter says 'oh, Mother, I'm not throwing away _my_ dream, I'm throwing away _your's_!'" he mimicked.

Casey rolled her eyes and spread a pat of butter out on a heated skillet. "She _likes_ dance. And it was never my dream to do it professionally," Casey murmured, an obvious lie.

"Can I come?" Derek asked like a little child.

Casey looked up from the pancake batter that sizzled on the stove. There really was no good reason to say no. "You'll behave yourself?"

"Yeah, yeah," Derek promised with a wave of his hand. He looked up at her hopefully, the traces of a smirk lingering on his lips.

Casey sighed as she flipped a pancake. "Fine," she mumbled in defeat.

Derek grinned triumphantly.

"Hey later today," he said, pushing his good fortune, "I want you to meet the guys – the band."

Casey froze. To her, meeting the people with whom Derek "worked" would be crossing an invisible line of sorts, another way of melding their two worlds.

"Come on," Derek encouraged when he saw her blank expression. "You probably haven't been to a show in forever, and you can come backstage to meet them all…"

Casey sighed.

"You need to get out of the house," Derek reminded her.

"Yeah, I guess," Casey agreed softly. What's the worst that could happen?"

--

Derek and Casey watched from the window between the hallway and the dance studio as Katie bounced around in little ballet slippers, lined up perfectly against a barre.

Every now and then, Casey would steal tiny glimpses at Derek, who had a surreal sort of smile on his face as he watched his daughter name the five positions. His eyes had an easy, buttery look to them, and he looked happy. Casey was confronted by a strange, confusing warmth in her gut. If felt like she was surrounded by family, secure from all fronts.

As she watched Katie, lost in silly thoughts about the future, she didn't notice that Derek had disappeared until she tried to throw him a sideways glance. She looked around and didn't see him anywhere. As she turned her attention back to Katie, who was practicing jumps, she felt something warm nudge against her shoulder, and she could faintly smell Derek's cologne. Part of Casey wanted to shift away, but another wouldn't budge. She didn't even want to look up at him, for fear that he would step away. Casey heard him take a sip of something and realized that he had stepped away to get a soda.

Though the physical contact was insignificant, possibly inadvertent, Casey couldn't focus on Katie anymore, instead her breathing seemed to slow and her heartbeat quicken because his solid shoulder pressed against her lightly. And then suddenly he shifted away, and Casey found herself wishing he hadn't.

How ridiculous, she tried to scold herself.

Though she didn't dare glance over to make sure, she could have sworn Derek's lips were curled into the tiniest of smirks.

--

My darling readers: as I currently understand it, you are now in a state of hysterical obsession with this story. Quite understandable and predictable, and yet just to make sure it would be very helpful to be informed of your wise and eloquent thoughts on this particular piece.

AKA leave me comments pretty please!!


	4. Indie Rock

Chapter notes: I'll admit it – I don't know the first thing about managing a band, or about Indie rock. I'm guessing here, based on friends' records and my own assumptions. Try not to pour over the details I get wrong.

It's a very late update. I apologize. I got wrapped up in a different fanfic assignment. I'm back now though, baby!! I hope you take comfort in the fact that this is about 1000 words longer than the other updates.

***

Casey turned toward the pile of clothing on her bed, trying to think. She had never been to an underground rock concert, or any rock concert in New York City for that matter. She assumed that the norm was black, and so her bed was now covered in every article of black clothing she owned. The only problem was that most of Casey's clothes suited the term business casual, nothing edgy or chic by that city's definition. She had already settled on a pair of black skinny jeans that clung to her legs attractively and pair of Converse that she ran errands in. As for the shirt, her options were down to a simple black tank and a black t-shirt that said Berlin across the front, something usually reserved as backup pajamas. "Berlin" was never really an option. Casey sighed as she started to wrestle into the tight little tank top she heard her door crack open. It could only be Derek – Katie was at a sitter's. Casey blushed and yanked the top down, hoping Derek didn't see anything, if only the back of her bra.

"Knock much?" she sniped coldly as she whipped up a dress and hung it up.

"I brought you a shirt. The guys will be really psyched if they see you advertising us," he responded casually, ignoring her annoyed tone. He threw a shirt at her. Black, as Casey had suspected. "You'll have to cut it up a little to make it look normal, but you can keep it."

Casey glared at Derek, and then smoothed the shirt out in her hands.

The design in the center resembled a logo more than a band t-shirt. It was basic and geometric; a circle inside a square inside a triangle inside a larger circle. In the middle of the smaller circle was an Om symbol and encircling the edge of the larger circle. Underneath the rather primitive design was the outline of a simple wooden clog. Casey didn't bother asking. She was still blushing in anger and embarrassment from when Derek had walked in on her, but she was grateful for something to wear. The only problem would be cutting it up.

--

Casey finally stepped out of her room, her makeup dark and smudgy, and just the hems cut off the collar of the sleeves.

Derek smirked at her slightly from the couch, his eyes smoldering. Casey's breath caught in her throat. No. She wouldn't fall for him again. She forced herself to breathe, even though she felt Derek's critical eyes on her, and it made her heart flutter.

"You cut it wrong," he remarked.

"Don't start," Casey warned.

He jumped up and dashed to the kitchen. When he returned, he had a pair of heavy-duty scissors in his hands.

Casey's eyes widened. "Don't you dare!"

"Just stay still." His voice was calm and soft, and it surprised Casey. He stood behind her and Casey yelled at her panicking heart to shut the hell up.

The scissors poked through the shirt at the shoulder with a pop. One of Derek's hands held the scissors, and the other was on her shoulder. The metal edges made a crisp sound as they cut around Casey's arm, removing the sleeve completely. Casey hoped Derek couldn't notice her goose bumps.

She raised her arm as he cut around in a circle, a bit roughly, though purposely so. The tattered short sleeve fluttered to the ground.

Casey felt something heady and thick envelope her as Derek worked on the other arm. Her eyes wanted to droop closed, to focus only on Derek's touch, but she refused to make this intimate.

She suddenly felt the cool, dull side of one of the blades brush lightly against the nape of her neck and shuddered. Casey was absolutely positive he did it on purpose, but disguised the shiver with a complaint about how cold the metal felt. She could _feel_ Derek smirking behind her as he began to trim away the neckline.

Casey looked down, watching the scissors dip lower and lower, splitting the shirt. When the cut reached down to the middle of her chest, Casey shifted in objection.

"Let's try to keep it ladylike, shall we, Derek?" she asked dryly, grateful that her voice didn't shake.

"Don't worry. I helped design that logo. Do you think I would actually cut it in half?" his voice was surprisingly close to her ear.

The scissors turned back up and reversed, mirroring the neckline on the other side. Casey repressed a gasp as the black rag fell to the floor.

"While we're hear," Derek started as he fluffed Casey's hair out a bit. "Wanna look _really _edgy?"

"Get away from my hair!" Casey nearly shrieked.

--

Derek entered the through the back door of Anarchy Anonymous with a certain ease, as though he had been there before, and hung his jacket on a solitary rusty nail sticking out of the wall.

"Hey guys," he announced as he progressed out of the dim hall into a wider area with concrete walls and floor. The space was lit by bare, florescent, white light bulbs, and a series of people stood around it, fiddling with instruments, smoking, or, in one case, kissing passionately.

The place reeked of cigarette smoke and marijuana. Aside from the thick wires that tangled across the floor and a few aging chairs with metal frames, the space lacked any sort of furnishings. Metal pipes protruded from the walls, creating curved patterns over the walls.

Six faces turned quickly to Derek with muttered hellos, and then all eyes were suddenly on Casey.

"Um," Derek started, "guys, this is Casey. That's Joey, Joanne, Danny, Addy, you know Dave, and that's Mark and that's Aisa."

Before Casey could take in all the new faces, a petite, young girl no older than twenty four shrugged away from the wall and approached them. She slung her arm over Danny's shoulder, her very slender form pressing against his body.

"Hey, I'm Addy," the girl said listlessly, and then her attention turned quickly to Derek. "Hey, Derek," she added, much more sweetly.

Casey looked the girl up and down. She had a very pretty chestnut-shaped face; clear, pale skin, huge green eyes lined heavily in black makeup, a tiny, elfish nose, full, red lips colored bright red. Her face was framed by long, stringy, white-blonde hair streaked with light blue. Addy wore a big black t-shirt with some unknown band's name on it. She had cut it up at the sleeves and the neck so it could hang off one shoulder, and it was barely long enough to cover her bottom. That t-shirt, plus a pair of very ratty black Converse, seemed to be all she wore, along with her little silver eyebrow ring. A cigarette dangled loosely between two long nails covered in chipping black nail polish.

"Hi Addy," Casey offered in a tone she hoped didn't show how intimidated she was. The girl was tiny but she looked aggressive, even dangerous. Worse, she seemed to be gripping Derek quite tightly, though casually, as though this was the norm. Not that that bothered Casey.

Addy nodded, clearly uninterested, and sucked on her cigarette. She puffed the smoke out quickly before turning back to Derek, playing with his hair with her free hand.

Casey looked around the room, trying to gather in the new faces and associate them with the names she had already forgotten.

The first person to catch her eye was a man in black skinny jeans and a sage-green t-shirt on. He was tall and lanky, his head bent over the electric guitar that he fidgeted with. When he looked up, Casey saw that beneath an unruly shock of jet-black hair, he had a set of absolutely piercing, translucent blue eyes. His thin lips didn't exactly smile; the way his mouth twisted was more of a smirk. He nodded once in acknowledgment and then, after a quick glance toward Addy, turned back to the guitar. Though the introductions had now blurred in her head, Casey was almost certain this was Danny.

Next to him was the pair that quickly turned their attention back to making out. Casey could make little out from the man besides his huge afro and flashes of dark-chocolate colored skin; the rest was obscured by a thin, olive-skinned girl that sat on his lap and clung to his shoulders. A pair of drumsticks lay by his feet, abandoned.

As soon as Casey turned her attention from them, she found herself making eye contact with a tiny little golden-blonde girl with kind, chocolate eyes.

"I'm Joanne," she reminded Casey. She spoke softly, though not shyly. Casey instantly preferred her to Addy, who was cooing something in Derek's ear. Casey was vaguely aware of Danny's brooding expression, even as his hair hid most of his face.

Joanne had long hair the color of honey, big brown eyes, and a very compact physique. Did the Indie rock genre breed petite, skinny girls or something? She wore very high heeled booties over ratty skinny jeans in a light wash and an aquamarine tank top.

As a light, casual conversation between them began to stir, Casey discovered that Joanne was a senior at Juliard, studying singing. She would be performing a song with the band that night. There was something sensual about Joanne – subtle, but alluring and sexy. Maybe it was just the playful spark in her eye.

The man Joanne had been talking to appeared to have gotten bored with his bass and approached them, slipping his arm around Joanne's waist nonchalantly. "I'm Joey," he announced. He was the first to shake Casey's hand. Casey thought it was terribly funny that Joey and Joanne had practically the same name. The Power of the Js, she decided to call them.

Joey was of medium height. He had hair even brighter gold than Joanne's, and he wore it in sleek bangs that covered one hazel eye almost completely. California, was the first word that came to mind when Casey took in his appearance.

Upon closer inspection through the dim lighting, Casey saw that Joey's pupils were contracted, almost nonexistent, and he seemed to move very slowly.

"Let me guess: you're on bass?" Casey asked sarcastically.

Joey smirked. "How'd you guess?"

"Stoners aren't quick enough for the guitar," Joanne joked, and Casey felt a silent swell of victory as her hunch was proven correct.

"Not true," Joey pouted, rubbing Joanne's back lovingly. Casey felt a little stab of jealousy but chased it away.

She found herself glancing over toward Derek, who had made his way over to the wall with Addy. The tiny bleach-blonde stuck her tongue out erotically, revealing something silver and sparkly lodged near the base. She giggled girlishly.

"I'm not missing all the fun, am I?" Casey instantly recognized the voice before Dave came into view.

She remembered him from high school: an arrogant jock whose charisma was his only redeeming factor. He looked out of place in the slightly hazy, barren backstage area. His voice still had a playful edge, but his stance indicated something softer in his personality.

"Casey McDonald," he articulated, as though in disbelief. "Never thought I'd see _you _out of Canada."

Joey and Joanne guffawed a little, but the comment stung slightly.

"I'm glad you could make it."

Casey just nodded.

Just as the conversation because gained momentum, Casey heard excited mumbling coming from the house. The audience was getting settled in. Nervous butterflies fluttered in her stomach, even though she knew there was no chance she would be onstage that night.

Derek was suddenly all business. "All right, guys. You ready in five?"

A round of "uh-huh" went around the room as Derek double-checked some wires and fiddled with some dials on a large amplifier. Since when did he know how to handle this kind of equipment?

"Nice shirt," Danny mumbled jokingly, and the Power of the Js sniggered.

Casey blushed.

"Get the fuck on stage," Derek insisted as he shoved Joey and Danny toward the dark opening to Casey's left. "Danny! Mark! _On stage!_"

Yup. All business.

Casey watched the four men drop into the mysterious opening, presumably to the stage, and by the time she turned back to Derek, Addy was leaning off of him again, a freshly-lit cigarette balanced between two bony, white fingers.

***

Chapter endnotes: in case anybody gives a crap, the logo on Casey's shirt actually means something. The circle-triangle-square-circle thing is a symbol for alchemy, (a combination of magic and science) the Om is a Sanskrit symbol for the "sacred." The wooden shoe is a symbol for sabotage by workers (I'm not kidding!)

***

Teaser for next chap: (I'd already written it and I couldn't withold it from you)

"How long has it been since you were on a stage?" he asked.

Casey's mouth tightened. "A few weeks before I found out I was pregnant."

Derek grabbed her hand and led her to the center of the small, wooden platform, into the center of a single spotlight. He sat down cross-legged, bathed in intense white light. Casey followed suit.


	5. Dinner and Tequila

Chapter notes: I know, I know: it's about time, right? I'm sorry for the late update. Life's been hectic… Enjoy!!

I realize that since it's been a while, I should refresh your memory as to all the new characters:

Joey and Joanne: They're boyfriend and girlfriend. Both blond and both stoners. (See how I make life easy for you?) Joanne is a singer and Joey is on bass. They're both sweet kids so far.

Mark and Aisa: Mark is the drummer (awesome afro-hair) and Aisa is his girlfriend. They like making out…. ;)

Addy and Danny: I don't know how clear this was before, but Danny likes Addy (sort of slutty broad that is all over Derek) Danny wants her attention but can't really hold it. He's the brooding guitar guy.

Dave: Lead singer in the band, Casey and Derek know him from high school. He's sort of an ass, and not all that important to the story right now.

--

Aisa was a tall, beautiful woman with solid green eyes and olive skin. Graceful and lithe, it didn't take Casey long to recognize her as a dancer. She had long, wavy brown hair and a glimmer in her eye. She was friendly but sarcastic – not quite as animated as Joanne, but she had a darker sense of humor. Casey sat backstage on a chair, talking to Joanne and Aisa while Addy sat next to them, but was constantly texting somebody on a fancy phone. She had her knees open as she sat on a pipe protruding from the wall, and everybody who stepped backstage knew she wore Hello Kitty underwear.

The evening wasn't as bad as Casey had expected – the music, surprisingly, suited her tastes, and the girls provided for light and carefree conversation. Joanne sang the band's fourth song, a thick, mature voice unraveling from her tiny body. She seemed to shine on the stage as the dark audience listened, completely captivated by the shocking clarity of her voice and rawness of her talent.

"So, Casey," Addy started acidly, cutting into the conversation rudely. Her phone still sat unfolded in her hand. "You here with Derek tonight?"

"Umm," Casey vaguely noticed the uncomfortable glance passed between Aisa and Joanne. "We're stepsiblings," was the most diplomatic answer she could think of.

Addy nodded as she turned back to her phone. "Oh." There was no question as to the smug undertone in her voice.

"How long ago did you stop dancing?" Aisa asked Casey, shifting the topic gracefully.

"Umm, about four years ago." Had it really been that long?

"Why'd you stop?" Addy asked, intruding once again. Her thumbs were still scrambling over the miniscule keys on her cell phone's keyboard.

Casey faltered and Addy looked up at her, her green eyes piercing. She had found a weak spot. "It got too competitive," Casey lied weakly. It was a good enough excuse – hundreds of good dancers just didn't have the heart to beat others out. Casey did have that willpower, but her body betrayed her at the worst time.

"So who's this Katie person I hear him keep mentioning?"

Casey froze for a moment, shocked. "His sister," she lied again. Why she felt the need to lie, she wasn't sure. Partially, she didn't want to look like the older, over-the-hill mother that had already surpassed their generation.

Addy was suddenly bored again. "Derek?" she called.

"Yeah?" Casey was secretly glad to detect the hint of weariness in his tone.

"I'm so lonely here without you. Come keep me company," Addy cooed less than subtly.

Derek jiggled a wire connected to a big black amplifier. "Okay," he agreed, and Casey felt something drop in her stomach.

She felt uneasy as Derek approached Addy and she wrapped her arms around his midsection. Addy smoothed down his hair gently. "I was hoping you could finally show me your place after this…" she whispered so softly that Casey barely heard. The rest of the sentence was cut off by a loud guitar chord.

"So, Casey," Joanne quickly diverted her attention, "We're all going to this Mexican place after this. You interested?"

Casey glanced over to Derek, who checked the time on his cell phone while Addy tugged one of his ears playfully. As much as she would want to get away from that witch, she couldn't bear leaving her with Derek. "Yeah, I'm coming."

--

Apparently, the main point of the little restaurant was the bar. It was just past midnight, and the four band members, plus the three girls, Derek, and Casey, all sat in a crowded booth. Everybody had ordered an appetizer and a shot of tequila. Which turned into two shots. Then three. Casey stopped after that, but it was apparent that nobody else would.

Surprisingly, the place wasn't empty. A few other tables were filled with other drunken young people, falling over each other and laughing. At first, Casey's table was boisterous and energetic, shouting inside jokes and hitting each other playfully. Now, the party was turning inward; Aisa and Mark shared Eskimo kisses and cooed playfully in each other's ears; Joanne had her legs sprawled over Joey's lap – they shared the earbuds on an iPod and passed a joint back and forth. Addy sat between Dave and Derek, flirting intermittently with each of them. She was sucking on another cigarette, and Casey was getting a little nauseous from the smell. Apparently, this was the only restaurant in New York City that allowed the smoking of, well, anything.

The fifth round of tequila came around, and the sixth. A haze of smoke settled around their table. Everything seemed intimate and relaxed, like the nine of them were shrouded by one large, nebulous veil that trapped them all together. Casey was the only one in a state of discomfort. The rest of them were friends; true Greenwich Villagers who could navigate Downtown with a blindfold on. As the conversation revealed, they knew where to buy weed and go thrift shopping. They knew where all the good concerts would be for the next half-year. Casey felt like a foreigner here.

By the eighth shot, Joanne had fallen asleep on Joey's shoulder, and he woke her up to get them home. Mark and Aisa decided to split a cab with them. Dave got a call from somebody who, from the sound of it, was at a loud party, and he rushed to join his friends, leaving Danny, Derek, Casey, and Addy alone.

"Derek," Addy moaned drunkenly into Derek's ear as she pressed her lips against his neck. Something poisonous swelled in Casey's chest, but she pushed it away. What upset her most was that Derek didn't push her away.

"What?" he whispered stiffly.

"I'm tired…" she groaned.

Casey's attention was suddenly diverted by Danny, who leaned in close to her. "Not a big drinker?" he asked softly.

"What? Oh … not really."

"You work on Sundays or something?" he joked. Casey could tell he was drunk because of the blurry look in his translucent blue eyes. His black, choppy hair hung down in his eyes a little bit. Though he kept glancing over at Addy, he leaned in toward Casey intimately, so close that she could smell his shampoo.

Casey gave a small smile. "I just don't drink much."

Danny laughed. "Come on, live a little."

If Casey wasn't so uncomfortable, Danny's purring voice would have been downright seductive. But Casey certainly wasn't in that sort of mood. She glanced over at Derek, who untangled Addy's fingers from his hair and held them at her sides. Addy started kissing his neck sensuously and Derek pulled away.

"Uh … er … no thanks," Casey murmured distractedly.

"Maybe you should get a taxi for us…" Addy hinted, her lips right at Derek's ear. Casey felt a little nauseated, and not just from the cloud of cigarette smoke and the little alcohol she had drunk.

"You're no fun," Danny pouted, leaning still closer to her.

Casey wasn't comfortable with his lips so close to hers and his eyes boring into hers so intimately. Just as she turned her head, his lips caught onto her earlobe.

Before Casey could lean away from him, Derek was standing up.

"Casey. Let's go," he said firmly.

Addy pouted visibly. Danny looked like he had just achieved his goal.

"I live near her; we can split a cab," Derek explained. He left a few twenties on the table and turned to leave.

Damn straight he lives near me. Too near… Casey thought as she stood up and slung her little purse over her shoulder.

"See you guys later," she started to say, but was cut off when Derek grabbed her by the hand and nearly dragged her out of the restaurant.

"Derek, what?" Casey stuttered as they wound around the little tables that were clumped together too tightly.

They burst out into the chilly night air and Casey gulped the suddenly crisp, fresh air gratefully.

"I feel sick," Derek said as he hailed a cab.

"Yeah, you drank a lot," Casey quipped.

Derek didn't respond, a rarity for him.

--

Casey stared wide-eyed out at the wall. Every time she drifted off to sleep, she could swear she felt Derek's fingertips run up and down her back, his lips pressed delicately against the crook of her neck, his arm draped protectively around her waist. She would feel in vivid detail his fingers running over her hardened nipples, and then she would suddenly jerk back to reality, covered in a film of sticky sweat, and she had to touch her side and her breasts to make sure his touch wasn't really there a moment ago. She tried to ignore the stubborn ghost of his touch. She tried to smooth down the goose bumps and calm her breathing in the sudden darkness, trying to slow her heartbeat. It was horrifically frustrating, even to the point that her eyes filled with hot tears.

Groaning loudly, Casey flipped over onto her stomach. It would be a long night.

--

End notes: I know, I know, you're still waiting for that backstory. Don't worry – it's coming, but it's a labor of love, and I can't just plant it wherever I want, you know?

I know, I know, the "teaser" doesn't make an appearance, for anyone that noticed. I'm sorry, but it didn't fit in anymore as I got into this chapter. Sorry!

As always, reviews are very much appreciated. (specifically, tell me if all the new characters are too confusing, because I can narrow them down if it's too much information)


	6. Lunch and Confessions

Chapter notes: none this week. Enjoy!

--

--

One of the strangest things Casey had seen the previous night was the relationship between Danny and Addy. He seemed never to take his eyes off her, and she indeed did flirt intimately with him, her lips brushing his ear and smiling seductively. But she did the same to Derek, as well.

"Addy and Danny are technically together. They just fight all the time and fuck other people." Derek spoke conversationally over their lunch. They had gone out to a little restaurant at Derek's request. "Which always pisses the other off. Then they fight and fuck some other people…"

Casey nodded, trying not to show her intrigue. "Joanne seems really sweet," she offered, trying to change the subject.

Derek shrugged and shoved more of his steak into his mouth. Casey realized with a slight drop in her stomach that she would undoubtedly be footing the bill for this outing.

"Yeah, she's all right." He swallowed another bite of food. "Joey found somebody to share a joint with now and then."

"How are they doing in terms of getting a contract?" Casey asked. She didn't particularly want to discuss marijuana anymore.

Derek shrugged. "I'm arranging something…"

He looked up at Casey, his liquid brown eyes focused on hers. Casey's breath hitched. All the hard work she had put into the previous night was about to be undone with one glance. It had taken her quite a few sleepless hours to convince herself that she was drunk – though none of the usual signs were there – and that old memories were just resurfacing. She had convinced herself of that completely, and now, though the alcohol had been flushed completely out of her system, she could hear her heart accelerate.

_Look away_, she told herself quickly. She looked down at her salad. She gulped, having suddenly forgotten what the conversation was about.

Casey had expected that reaction to dull with the years, but even now looking straight into his eyes was like a jolt to the heart. That same jolt was what prompted her to kiss him that first time, when they were fresh out of high school. They fell in love, which miraculously lasted through college. What George and Nora thought was at first shocked and incoherent, then accepting as time went on. They had graduated college, Derek just barely scraping through, and Casey had even gotten Derek talk about the Dark and Ominous Future with her. And then that stupid test with the instructions; "pregnant," "not pregnant," and the vomiting and…

Casey was still looking as her salad, the fork hovering in midair like somebody had frozen her suddenly.

"Hey!" Derek snapped his fingers under her nose to get her attention. "Earth to Spaz…"

Casey jumped and looked up, a bit dazed from the memories that swam though her like a dam had been blown up. Derek's brown eyes were now even softer with concern.

"Sorry." Casey turned her attention back to her food.

"Tell me more about Katie," Derek said, his eyes still boring into hers.

Casey sighed. She somehow didn't want to give too much away, to let Derek see the full picture. It would make Katie too accessible to him. "What do you want to know?" she asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

"Everything. Does she take anything else besides ballet?"

"Yes. She takes jazz and modern dance classes, and the piano, plus she's in the gifted program at school, and we're thinking of starting gymnastics soon."

"Jesus, she doesn't have any free time, does she?" Derek asked, clearly disapproving.

Casey bristled at this remark. Who was he to comment on her abilities as a mother? "She _likes_ everything I sign her up for. She _likes_ to keep busy. She inherited that from _me_."

Derek nodded slowly. "What did she inherit from me?" he asked, a bit hesitantly.

Casey sighed. "She loves music. The Beatles and the Doors and stuff. She loves staying up late. She's very social; one of the most popular girls at her day care center. She loves doing all these activities but she almost never stresses out; it comes naturally from her. Plus … I see you in her all the time." It was painful for Casey to admit this; when she saw these traits evolve in her daughter, she was frightened as to how much of Derek would show up in her. "I see it sometimes when she looks at me, just in the character of her face, even though she has my eyes."

Derek just nodded again, smiling this time. The conversation lapsed into silence, leaving Derek to sort through all the new information, and Casey to stew in confusion. What did all this mean? Where was it leading to? Why did he come back _now_? Thoughts that she had kept buried for the past week suddenly turned up again. The questions filled her up slowly.

"Why did you leave?" she blurted out suddenly.

"Because, I…" Derek hesitated, clearly uncomfortable with where the conversation had gone. "Because I broke Sam's jaw," he answered, as though it were obvious.

Casey looked down and nodded.

"And…because I knew I fucked up with Lizzie."

Hearing him say Elizabeth Akot's name, the name of the girl that Derek had found after that vitriolic fight, sent a shiver of distaste through her.

"I said some things I didn't mean…" Casey started, as though that made up for what Derek did in some way. As though it made up for what she did with Sam.

Derek shook his head. "It doesn't matter. I fucked up with her."

Casey shook her head to clear it. It had been so long that she had wondered if this conversation would ever come, and now it was suddenly coming at her from this unexpected angle, in the middle of a little restaurant in the Upper East Side of Manhattan.

She sighed. "Yeah. You did." Admitting to all the blame she had pent up inside her, even by a little bit, made her feel like a heavy pressure was being lifted from her. "But, I f- … I messed up with Sam," she squeaked. "I _really _messed up. And for everything I said…"

"Hey, I said stupid shit, too." Derek leaned forward on the table, staring right into her eyes until she looked up to meet them. "I'm sorry," he said with fierce sincerity as he grasped her hand suddenly. His hand felt warm and strong covering hers and Casey stopped breathing.

Instinctively, Casey jerked her hand away so that her lungs could fill with air.

"Anything else?" the chipper little waitress asked as she bounced over, saving Casey from having to say anything.

"Check please," Casey said softly as she started fumbling with her purse.

"Sorry," Derek tried. "I didn't mean to—"

"Yeah." Casey forced a smile. She paid quickly with cash and rushed the both of them out of the little restaurant.

"Hey, let me pay you back—" Derek stuttered awkwardly.

"What are you talking about?" Casey asked, a little crease forming between her eyes. "It's fine." She reached out an arm to hail a cab. One pulled up next to her almost immediately.

"I'm going to pick Katie up from piano lessons," she said softly, her eyes cast down toward the pavement.

"She's in piano?" Derek asked, leaning into the cab after her.

Casey nodded. She looked up once at Derek's face and an icy thrill went through her. She pulled the door closed and spoke through the open window. "See you tonight."

Casey examined her hand carefully as the cab pulled away from the sunny street. She could remember distinctly where Derek's skin had touched hers. She wasn't particularly unnerved by physical contact, it was just proving to be incredibly difficult to let Derek back inside. When their shoulders touched accidentally, Casey wouldn't dream of pulling away, but when he reached out she filled with fear and flinched back. She sighed loudly enough for the cab driver to glance at her through the rearview mirror.

It smelled like tobacco in the plush leather-and-carpet interior of the car and Casey cracked a window. Middle-Eastern music played softly in the background. She thought of Katie, and how she recognized Derek as little more than a stranger. How had life gotten so complicated so suddenly?

What Casey really didn't want to admit to herself, the secret that she kept buried in the farthest recesses of her mind, was that Derek meant more to her than any ex-boyfriend from years ago ever could. He was her stepbrother and her daughter's father; two families tied them together in different ways and it was ultimately stupid to assume that she could rid herself of him.

--

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Hey, hey, hey! It's that special time when ask for reviews! All are welcome, so come one, come all!


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